getting back to life....

well - it certainly was an amazing week last week : )

Monday I worked hard to get the house in order, emails written and food ready so that I could go away for a much needed 50 hour-long vacation : )

It started on Tuesday with a celebratory birthday lunch with Andrea P. at Benihana - something we have apparently made a tradition out of
: ) After which, she brought me to her house where Kim B. picked me up {with sweet, 15month old Lilli - who got to meet Samson, Andrea's miniature Goldendoodle - she LOVES him} and we headed out for Wisconsin Dells - all thanks to my beloved in-laws - Randy and MJ {Momma Judy} : ) Thanks to their timeshare - we got to be at Christmas Mountain for 41 glorious hours : )

We got there around 5, checked in and had dinner - after unpacking and admiring the amazingness that was our place to stay - it was about about time for bed. Well - Lilli's bedtime that is : )

As for Kim and I? It wasn't even close to bed time. We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning chatting about anything and everything. Even though we went to bed late and woke up early, my heart hasn't felt such release in months.

If you've been reading my blog, you'll know these last few months have not been easy. In so many ways - they have been good - great weddings, lots of work and lots of work. Emphasis on the lots of work.

We are just approaching our slow{er} time. Many people think that - oh - our jobs are a piece of cake in the winter - that we have nothing to do but sit on our hands. Which - might be the case for a week or two in March - but really - most of the winter is still full of meetings, meetings, and believe it or not - engagement sessions : )

But luckily - things do slow down considering that we don't have a wedding {or two!} each weekend.

But unfortunately - it makes for more time for me to think about what these last few months have brought and what these next few months won't bring - like a baby. Sometimes the emotional pain of it all hurts so much I can feel it. Like, a literal ache that just doesn't go away.

Oftentimes it just gets worse when I realize that it will be awhile until we actually start trying to get pregnant - I mean, I know we'd survive if I was 9 months pregnant in the middle of August - but wouldn't it just be nicer to be 9 months pregnant in the winter? Yes - for so many reasons....

It can literally hurt when I think back to what that week was like for me. I have recently been unpacking things about that week and what it was like - even though I was blessed with amazing friends who showed up at our house to just check in and sit with me - I still felt so alone. I just wanted my husband. All to myself - but there were weddings to process, emails to write, his homework to be done and Layton needed a buddy that week too.

But - in talking with Kim I realized - that as alone as I felt then - I continued to feel alone in September and parts of October. I had work as an excuse - more so as a coverup, to not think about what happened or talk about it much. I thought talking about it would cause too much pain - but really - it caused more because it left me feeling more alone. Not that I didn't have people I could talk to - because I do - but I also just didn't know what to say.

What do you say after a miscarriage? "I'm doing okay" or "Fine" are typical responses. And although there were days I really was doing "fine" there were plenty of other days that I was not fine. I want to still be pregnant. I still want to have a baby in March. But I can't. Not this March.

Talking with Kim was more than therapeutic; it was revitalizing, {minus the not going to bed until after 3am part!} it was purifying, it made me feel like I wasn't alone.

I so very much needed to stay up until after 3am chatting with Kim. I very much needed to go to the pool with Kim and Lilli on Wednesday and just play with Lilli - I have a lot of loves in life - and two of them are babies/kiddos and water. Put the two together - wonderful : )

So - I came home Thursday feeling very enriched {albeit very tired} and within 2 hours, my mom, daddy, sister and NIECE showed up at my house! I knew they were coming - minus Roman {our niece}. Kirsten had me convinced she wasn't bringing her - so much to the point I once cried telling Dan how desperately I wanted Kirst to bring her! I was SO thrilled to see her!

That night while Dan was out waaaay late at a guys game night, the Dumke 4 plus Roman went to Wok in the Park here in SLP and I got birthday meal #2 : ) And when the quartet of singers came out to sing happy birthday to me - well - let's just say I had to work REALLY hard not to cry - seriously - they are fabulous singers!! It was beautiful! They even harmonized!! Topped off by the fact that they brought me amazing homemade vanilla bean ice cream : ) Oh - then we went home and watched White Christmas : ) {which I had just watched with Kim the night before in the Dells - oh - and it was snowing in the Dells while we were there - and I mean SNOWING! like.... 10+ inches!}

Friday we headed down to Rochester, Kirsten had an interview for seminary and then we went out to eat for birthday meal #3 at HuHot in Rochester - where I got a fabulous slice of cheesecake : )

We came back to the cities, saw grandpa Gordie and I was just so tired we opted for a few craft brew beers from the Four Firkins in SLP, 2 rotisserie chickens, yummy side dishes and bread from Lunds back at our house : ) It was wonderful : )

Saturday was also amazing - I met Andrea P. at Zion Lutheran Church in Mpls where Rachel's Holiday Boutique was having their yearly fair, benefiting the Michelle Project : ) It was really fun seeing all the amazing artists and their crafts there!

Then we headed down to Lilydale, MN to Chef's Abode where we took a 3 hour long cupcake class where we learned how to decorate cupcakes with fondant and other such fun decorating tips! We walked away with nearly 2 dozen cupcakes between us and we each were giving a cupcake book! So fun!

Then we went to Andrea's neighbors house where was hosting her annual Merry Meander - she had her beautiful Victorian home filled with art vendors! It was fabulous! Mary greeted me with a big BIG hug : ) I loved it. I am a hugger : ) I love hugs : )

The night concluded with dinner with Andrea and Jared at Pizza Luce in St Paul {Birthday dinner #4? This time with some free Tiramisu!} THEN Andrea was able to bring me to see her work! She had to deliver a bunch of Pampered Chef items for the girls at her work - so I got to help her drop it all off : ) I even got to see a teeny tiny baby that didn't even weigh a whole kilogram! I think they said at birth it was a 1/2 a kilo!

Finally, the night ended with a big bonfire with the Porters, Satterlies, Medinas and Dmac at Como Park : ) Oh and don't forget, Moses, Maizy and Samson were there too : )

It was a wonderful birthday week : ) Thank you so very much everyone that made it possible : ) My life is so richly blessed because of you all!

Love,
k : )