{If you haven't read my previous post - I would recommend that before this one...}
Most of the time - friends say good things.
Other times - without even knowing it - they say things that really strike a {not so great} chord.
BUT - let's start with the positive - since my last post I have received an over-whelming response from it. I feel so blessed that 1- people cared to read my seemingly endless thoughts and 2 - that people felt impacted by what was written - male, female, young, old, parent, not a parent and especially wanting to be a parent. I received many a messages from other women who have dealt with a miscarriage {or two, three or four} and others who are struggling/have struggled with infertility. Each message brought me tears, heartache and yet, SO much joy in hearing the trust each on had in God's plan for their future and family. In reading these dozen+ messages I have had to continually recite to myself the verse from the book of Romans that was in my previous post:
“…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit.” {Romans 5:3-5}
The "...suffering produces perseverance" part has probably been the hardest for me. Right now - for me - what does perseverance look like? To the outside world, perseverance might be moving on, letting go, trusting it will all be okay..... Smiling. {which is a huge chunk of what you have to do when you own a business that is in its busiest season of weddings and potential client meetings}
But internally, what does perseverance look like - for me - in this stage? In 2 Timothy, Paul calls for Timothy's continued perseverance in a troubled world. In the 2nd chapter, 1st verse Paul mentions to "be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus."
This particularly got me thinking about the word grace which brought me to when God said to Paul in 2 Corinthians "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness" {12:9} Grace is sufficiency - grace is letting God be enough. It's God's 'enoughness' in this world. When we are suffering - we are in need. We have a void that desires and yearns to be filled. This void can be filled by a variety of things- say, trying again for another baby.
Although getting another positive test that resulted in full-term baby would bring joy - it could also halt the process of producing perseverance through suffering, character through perseverance and in the end, hope.
So in this time of suffering - to allow it to produce perseverance, character and hope, this void can only be filled by God's 'enoughness'. By letting His word soak in and by letting go of the burdens of the day.
But I am human..... and that can make this hard.....
And Facebook doesn't always help....
Ahhh Facebook.... Since having a miscarriage I have become far more cognizant of others "status updates" about their pregnancies. I would guess that a good 30ish friends of mine on Facebook are pregnant {or recently had a baby} Which feels like the entire world when that is "all you see" for updates.
One thing in particular that has challenged my thoughts and emotions is when status updates contain complaints about being pregnant - about various aches, pains and the 'misfortunes' {as one called it} of being pregnant. I would trade those aches and pains from being kicked in the spine for being pregnant - in a heartbeat. No hesitations. At least they get to feel that.
I hope I am not sounding spiteful - I truly don't intend to sound that way - I am just being open about what's happening these days. It just hurts to see people grumble about something I was hoping to be in the midst of and suddenly found myself without.
BUT - that is why I need grace - to gain perseverance through this to produce character and hope.
I would just like to encourage every mother and father out there to be extra thankful for your children/future child tonight - because there are many women and men who yearn to be grateful for theirs.
Love,
Karin
Very Very well said Karin. I struggle with that too. When you haven't lost a child, its too easy to complain and stress and forget what a sheer blessing their lives are. When you have lost one (or more) you ache for all of those little annoyances.
ReplyDeleteStill praying for you. :)
I hear you, and it's not spiteful, it's honest. I had to give up looking at facebook for a long time because of all those (inadvertent) painful status updates. I felt all those same things and still get so irritated when I hear women complain about pregnancy symptoms. They should be grateful that they even have the chance!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you have heard about it, but there is a website called Resolve that is/was indispensable to me. It helped balance all those messages from the fertile world who just didn't get it. There is also a resolve support group in town that meets monthly that we found SO helpful. Just in case you want to look into it.
Thinking of you-